John Patrick Thomson (born Patrick Francis McAleer; 2 April 1969) is an English comedian, narrator and actor best known for his roles in The Fast Show, Men Behaving Badly, Cold Feet, 24 Hour Party People, The Brothers Grimsby and Coronation Street.

Early life
Thomson was born in 1969 in Walkden, Worsley, Lancashire, to Mary McAleer, who gave him up for adoption six weeks later. He was adopted from the Catholic Children's Rescue Society by Andrew and Marita Thomson, a businessman and a bookseller from Didsbury. He has one younger brother, Ben (born to his adoptive parents). He attended All Hallows Catholic High School near Preston, Lancashire, leaving with three O-levels. He then attended Runshaw College between 1985 and 1987, studying for four A-levels, including theatre studies. He was described as "clearly  a talent for comedy".

Following this, he turned down a scholarship in America, to study drama at Manchester Polytechnic instead.